“I think you’re pregnant”
How could I? No, there is no way. We haven’t really started trying and just last week I had the terrible four days of dreaded ‘aunt flo.’
In July I started to track my body. Since we were on a possible short time frame to get pregnant the doctors advised me to track my temperature and use ovulation predictors for a month to see how it is reacting after the baby. After forty-five days of a long, almost never-ending tracking, my cycle came and I got to start actively trying. In July, I did not ovulate until day 36. This time around, I started ovulating around day ten. Then another positive on day eleven and another on day twelve. I send this tidbit of information to my friend and she instantly sends back a text. “You’re pregnant, I know it. Take a test.”
I had an appointment that day with my doctor to check vitamin levels. I had been overly exhausted since Liam was born. I mention to her my cycle but neither of us seemed alarmed. After work I go home and take a test. Within moments it was positive. If I wasn’t already sitting down I would have fallen over. I took the test to prove to my friend and her knowledgable mother in law (Seriously, she’s an OB. Why must I challenge the knower of all things hormones?) and show them I was not pregnant. So now what?
I contacted my doctor in the morning and with the awesome new rules for TRICARE I wait. By the time the lovely nurse who obviously loves her job got on the phone, she did not want to give me a referral to urgent care. (Our insurance won’t pay for urgent care visits that aren’t approved.) She kept telling me this was not urgent. I finally asked her why on earth three separate medical professionals would have instructed me to seek medical attention due to my apparent ‘cycle’ a week before. She apparently did not read my synopsis in its entirety and did not know I had bleeding. Off to the ER I went.
I dreaded the ER. I just knew I was having a miscarriage and even if I wasn’t, I knew it was way too early to view anything. After five hours I was told my BETA number was 1128. This number wasn’t a strong number for my assumed weeks of pregnancy, but it wasn’t terrible. 48 hours later I would need to see an OB to receive another BETA assessment. The nurse then comes in to discharge me. He hands me the chart and begins to explain to me that I am miscarrying based on his opinion. Then, informs me what vitamins I should take to help prevent miscarriage. I politely told him that the doctor was not sure at this time if I was miscarrying and I will be cautiously hopeful until I receive results. Also, I have gone through fertility treatments and know which vitamins are needed. His response? “Oh, sometimes you may hear what you need to know, but don’t listen.“ I do believe if it weren’t for my husband in the room stopping me from screaming, I would have ripped him a new one.
So I wait. I go into my appointment on Friday morning and the midwife was optimistic, guardedly. I head to the hospital and the blood is drawn. I had planned to not go to work if the news was bad but after an hour of waiting I had to go into work. My anxiety was getting the best of me. Then the call came.
My numbers had doubled. More than doubled! They were doubling at the rate of every 32 hours! They were almost 2600! All signs showed positive and thriving. The bleeding must have been a fluke, it must have. There is no doubt in my mind that it was a mistake.
Since I was positive, I was allowed to go to NC as planned. The moment I arrived I jumped out of the car and it happened. In that very moment I miscarried. My heart sank and I knew I had to go to the ER but first we had to take our son to the football game we promised.
That weekend I went to the ER twice. The first time it was inconclusive if I was miscarrying. My numbers dropped to 2300 but with the different labs it could mean a few things. But by Sunday I was in terrible pain and when they did the numbers again they dramatically dropped to 750. There was no doubt now that it was over.
In the last three weeks I have had my blood drawn 13 times with a total of 57 vials of blood. I just received the results from my blood draw on Monday that I will need one more draw. You must have results lower than five and they were an eight. EIGHT!
The past three weeks have been a jumble of emotions and that will be for a different post. Today, I just wanted to update why I have been so distant. Between the miscarriage and back in school full-time, I have not had the urge to write. I’ve watched as the lines faded from dark to light until they eventually evaporated. And now we move forward with our chins up and high hopes and hopefully next time I speak of pregnancy tests I will have great news.
On another note: I’ve decided I will blog my journey just like I did with Liam. I assumed I would wait until week 14-16 to announce my pregnancy but figured why not. If something were to happen again, I’ll blog anyways so once family knows I’ll announce and begin another blogging journey towards our upcoming family of four.