It stung just like it should. I’m southern by the grace of God and grew up hearing the three words from my elders you know it is rarely meant in its literal terms.
I write for a broad audience. I speak to surrogates, intended parents, infertile couples, military families, and of course my family and friends. It is such an expansive range of individuals who read that it’s hard for me to relate each topic to the next but it also allows me to meet some amazing people with different life stories.
My surrogacy journey is over and now I am embarking on my new journey on expanding my family. We joked this weekend that my husband currently has my womb under contract and no one else. At my six-week postpartum appointment after Liam the doctor gave me the go ahead as soon as my body responded. My body seemed to be back to normal immediately and beginning July I started to track my body to find out when I was ovulating as the doctor suggested.
I peed on a stick twice a day. twice.a.day. I woke up at 7am almost every day to take my temperature and hope it stayed accurate. I attempted to go to bed at the same time to help every variable stay consistent. I wanted to make sure I did not miss my 12-24 hour window of ovulation. Today we’re on day 32 and not only has my cycle lasted much longer than normal but I never ovulated.
So here I am, expressing my anger of my body still not being on track to a woman who had her child through surrogacy. A woman who struggled more than I can ever imagine and the moment the words slipped out of my mouth, I regretted them. I never want to hurt someone who has climbed the mountain of infertility.
Luckily she gave me time to explain on why this was so upsetting to the twenty-four year old, barely four-month postpartum woman who has never struggled with any form of infertility in her life.
My husband can leave at any moment.
We put our family planning on hold for me to be a surrogate for Jamie. The timing wasn’t right for our family then but now we feel it is.
Being a military spouse, I don’t always get the luxury of planning out when we want to expand our family. Do we choose to wait it out to as close as possible to his possibly deployment to ensure he’ll be present for the birth? What if we don’t get pregnant the month or two before he leaves and then I must wait seven months until we can try again. What if his deployment is pushed forward and he lose our window due to the deployment? Or do we try immediately giving ourselves 5-8 months but know he will miss the birth of our second child?
We’ve chosen to try for our second child now and if I have to deliver alone then it will be okay. He’s already scheduled to possibly be gone for three to five weeks in the fall for training and he has a vacation for a week I’m assuming I’ll be ovulating. There are two chances already ruled out of the next five to eight months we have left until another possibly deployment.
I know, I’m young and we still have our fertility after he returns but I have plans, big plans. I want to be an egg donor but withdrew my application when we decided to have another child. Being an egg donor can take up to five months of your time with appointments, hormones and retrieval and I could not pursue being an egg donor at this time knowing we wanted another child. My goal is to now re-submit my application after we have our second child when I give my body a break. Then later down the line I hope to have another surrogacy.
I am slowly learning that everything will work the way it’s meant to be. I continue to be thankful for both the fact that I am fertile and my ability to help others become a family. I know in the end I am very blessed for the family I do have and when it is right for us to have another it will all work the way it’s meant to be but until then I’ll grab a glass of wine.. and relax!